I am not lazy, but I do procrastinate.  One will often find me crocheting, playing with my kids, or doing some form of artwork.  I know that much of this time could be spent keeping my house immaculate and making sure not one drop of juice ever stained their clothes.  And though my three favorite hobbies may seem unproductive, I am planting in their minds memories that will shape their personalities.

One thing I do need to work on is patience.  I want the patience my grandmother shows for my girls, just two of many great grandchildren.  If I had half of the energy to entertain my children that my mother has, I would be great.  It seem like my girls are like a second chance for my mom to be a kid.

I love my children dearly.  They are the wondrous blessings the lord has given to me, in spite of myself.  I want to bring them up as godly women, but I have no clue where to start.  With a limited budget it is hard to be able to go to a church I agree with every week.  There are times when I feel so isolated in this tiny town house.  There are neighbors on both sides, with kids that run about happily.  But I would much rather spend the day at the park relaxing than stay by my apartment and play on the swings.  Why?

The answer to that question is this:  I love every little moment I have with them.  I have to cause my mind to see things from their p.o.v.  Children seem to have a sort of understanding of things, and are able to accept the things adults can not.  For instance, when Link passed away, they were sad but not constantly like I was.  They saw me cry, and learned about sorrow early in life.

I wish my heart was not an open wound.