Son,
Like no other pregnancy I had experienced before yours had the most impact. You had a personality that I could not fathom, a depth I could not perceive. I felt I knew you better than your sisters. During those nine months, there were the times I experienced when the classic anticipation and complaints of pregnancy would prevail; but more often than not there was the sense that you were special.
I was and am proud of you; but when you were here with me, so close to my soul, it was pure joy. I talked to you often and knew you understood what I was saying. You gave me the experience of having a son whom I could be real with and talk to on a level in which I do not even talk to your father. I could be truly real with you on all fronts and never needed to hide a thing from you.
Perhaps...that is why you aren't with us today. Once again, I admit, I have tried to distance myself from the current pregnancy. This reaction is out of fear of loosing something precious all over again.
So if, as you look down at your mama, you shake your head...please just understand. I know you do anyways.
I love you.
--Mommy
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