Tuesday, March 9, 2010

soul searching

I rearranged my living room today.  It feels nice.  I am trying to re-arrange my heart after a flood of doubt was depositited into it this last weekend.  Had I succombed to it, I would have been lost forever.

In my previous post, there was the voice of a soul in turmoil.  Deception was laced in some of my thoughts and I was blinded by an ugly lie.  So now I attempt to return to the truth.  My nights will still be sleepless for a time, and my mornings filled with fatigue, but I will soon return from this vile darkness.  I will soon step back into the light and peace that the Lord has brought to me.

My soul shall seek the Lord, my heart will cry out for him, and once again I will be enveloped in love.

My son is a little over 2 months old now.  I still count these stages though his soul is ageless in heaven.  I am so proud of my boy.  If he was here in my arms, I would be constantly talking about him, and proudly showing him to everyone that crossed my path.  That's the way I was with my girls (and still am).  So I freely talk about my son when asked.  I always say I have two girls and one son...who is an angel.

Some may think I'm trying to brush off the fact that he is gone from this world, but I'm not.

So after a few days of nearly getting lost in darkness, I will return to my rock like the prodical son.  I run back to my God in fear asking for mercy and forgiveness.  Like David, I return to my Lord and will become victorious.

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